Thursday, 22 March 2012

The Only Exception

"What have you eaten today?" ...I go silent. Due to the fact that I trust him more than anyone (besides LG) I've let myself tell him too much. He has no idea about my blog, about the fact that I have a real eating disorder, that I go insanely out of my way to lose weight, but he knows I feel disgusting, and that I try not to eat loads, so he worries. Fuck, why do I give away so much :/ At least I'm good at quick thinking though so I can think up a variety of food 'that I ate' on the spot.

As well as that in the past two days, while watching Black Swan he said "Eww look how skinny she is, that's just wrong" and when talking about my eating yesterday he hugged me and said "I don't want you getting all skinny!". This terrifies me, he's so great for wanting me the way I am (as mental as he is for that) but I'm scared he won't want me after I drop all of this weight. But as much as I care about him, I cant stop, it just doesn't work that way :/

On another note, I know it seems like I'm not updating me stats, but I genuinely have been stuck on this weight for so long now. It's either due to my scale getting it wrong for the first time ever, or the fact that I keep doing well all day every day, and then binging my ass off at night on anything and everything I can find :/ But I know I'm getting stronger, I'm feeling so much more will full to do perfectly, and am learning my old techniques to control my hunger. I'm not going to start the ABC diet over, because it just sets me up to fail and pushes back the day of reaching my GW even more, so I'm just going to push through and get better :)

Englishrose: I guess you were right :/ I wish I could feel the same way about my weight as he does! And thanks, you too ^-^ Except for bbm as I don't have a Blackberry aha :) x

"Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts, and we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face. And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness, because none of it was ever worth the risk, but you are the only exception."

Posted at 21:44

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