Monday, 3 October 2011

Before The Worst

I'm crap at posting. There's just really nothing to tell, I feel too ashamed to post about my eating because of how messed up it's become, the diet pretty much stopped, I didn't plan it but it sort of faded away. I'll be starting again when I get my head back to normal.

My life is pointless to talk about most of the time too, I spend 5 miserable days a week at school, and the other 2 at work. I'm so sick of not even having a day to relax and stop feeling stressed for a minute. I have to be honest and say I really don't like my life at the moment, I have one friend (thank god for him), school is shit, I feel completely alone, there's always work to do, and I hate my job. At least my relationship with my mum is good...for now, when it's is. bad. I won't get into it, but I've had a scarring as hell childhood with her. I just hope we don't go back to it again. If I end up hating being at home again as well as everywhere else...I don't know what the hell I'll do.

I wish I felt like money didn't matter to me, if I didn't feel like I need it I'd quit my job instantly. I started off liking it but it's become a nightmare, it's exhausting, chaotic, the staff (minus my fellow trainees) are horrible and with how easily I crack under pressure it's just too much to handle. I made a mistake the other day and my manager got so angry she called me a 'fucking idiot' and got me so upset with everything I ran into the toilets and secretly cried in my break. I even considered running out because I couldn't take it. But I'm glad I didn't...when I'm done with this job, it'll be a dignified end.

Some day soon I'll feel beautiful, happy & loved...

"Before too late, before too long, let's try to take it back before it all went wrong."

Posted at 22:14


  1. chin up. it acc scares me how similair our lives seem, the things you write, i can relate to. the situations you find your self in, the emotions you feel, all of them i can relate to. . keep your head up, it will get better

    -xe ♥

  2. That's what I always think! It's so weird. Thank you for the support