Sunday, 25 September 2011

Nothing Compares

I haven't posted in so long, I'm usually addicted to posting, I guess lately when I haven't been busy I've been sick. It's been over a week and I've been ill every day, first of all with sickness - the first two days I threw up so I guess that's an upside, but the rest have been a nightmare, I had a day off of work - so I lost money, I had to leave early the day after because of how ill I was - losing more money, then I had two and a half days off of school - getting me behind on a lot of work, and I've been ill this weekend too, but at least I made it to work this time. But the worst part is, I've really fucked up my ABC diet, so badly it makes me tearful thinking about it. Having so much time at home with nothing to do and food all around me drove me insane, and as soon as I got my appetite back after the two throwing up days...I lost control. I've binged for almost a week. I HATE MYSELF.

I can't bare to look at the scales, I bet I've put insane amount of weight on, and to top it off, I've been too ill to exercise. I feel fucked. I've spent day after day alone in my room crying and binging. I'm honestly miserable when I lose my control and strength with this. I just can't stop the temptation from making its way into my brain and taking over, I wish I had someone to help me through it. I'm so tired of being alone.

I'm carrying on with ABC. It's a 50 day diet, I can't give up so quickly just because I've fucked a part of it up. I cant wait for the day of fasting; Tuesday <3 I'll feel so happy, my stomach will be empty, my body will be weak, and my head will feel light as air. Then I'll know I'm in control again.

"They say if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger."

Posted at 22:51

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