Wednesday, 3 August 2011

Push It

When I think about it, I've only been this way with my eating for just over a couple of months, three at the most, even now I think back to things I would eat even a month ago and think my god I wouldn't touch that now! I guess that's good proof that I'm improving all the time. Before this I just 'tried' to be healthy by eating less crap, but still never exercised or counted calories, or worried too much. And before that, I lived off of crap, energy drinks, KFC, sweets, you name it I ate anything just full of shit. I was so weak and didn't give a crap, in a way I miss not caring, but if I'd carried on that way I wouldn't have gone down to a size 6uk, I'd have been likely to have moved all the way up to a 14uk or something. A scary thought.
For a while I struggled, a lot, I had the tendency to be good and keep my calories under 400 or 300 calories, then it would get late and my urge to binge would become over powering, and I'd just eat anything and ruin it. But I've got that figured, I just have to power through the nights and take things seriously, something's just switched and I know how to be good now.

Just finished exercising too, I feel great, 50 minutes of yoga and 150 sit ups, even though I'm exhausted there's something that gives me a brilliant feeling after, I guess a satisfactory one. My mum has a seven day pass for me to use at her gym as of tomorrow, I'm so excited! The desperation to become fitter, healthier and most importantly, thinner, is overpowering!

Things are good :) Especially as I got a job! I can finally save for driving lessons when I begin and not feel poor! The problem is that it's in a bakery. Not the best place for someone with an eating disorder. I guess it'll just be a true test of my control.

You can never get enough THINSPIRATION<3 

"This dance ain't for everybody"

Posted at 23.39

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