Sunday, 31 July 2011

Food & Exercise Diary: Entry Eleven

- Sugar free strawberry jam on Ryvita cracker bread: 45 calories
- Thai green curry with rice: 307 calories
- Decaffeinated tea with 1% fat milk & 2 sugars: 28 calories


Calories obtained in the day (aprox.): 380


- Yoga for 40 minutes
- 150 sit ups

Posted at 21.44

Thursday, 28 July 2011

Food & Exercise Diary: Entry Ten

- Honey Cheerios with 1% fat milk: 171 calories
- Caffeinated tea with 1% fat milk & 2 sugars x2: 56 calories
- Weightwatchers can of tomato soup with 2 Ryvita cracker bread slices: 114 calories
- Sugar free strawberry jam on Ryvita cracker bread x2: 90 calories


Calories obtained in the day (aprox.): 431

- Yoga for 50 minutes
- 150 sit ups

Posted at 23.08

Good Times

Today is a rollercoaster of moods and emotions but fuck it I'm in good mood and thought I'd blog this tiresom life of mine :P Last night wasn't too great, neither was the night before, I binged, not loads, but enough to feel awful. And I perged. Both nights. I'm going to do whatever I can to not make a habit of it, I've heard what it does to your teeth, that's digusting. But I just felt like I had to get rid of it, but the more I relax about my eating, the less I eat, when I'm trying desperately not to eat, food is all I think about and I give in, I'm doing okay-if you ignore the disgusting bloating, but it'll go away.
Anyway, today I had my job interview, it went so unbelievably well! :D I might not be a hobo for much longer! I felt so confident and the woman said I did really well with a wink and a smile...It's in the bag ;D So that put me right up there on cloud nine, I then planned to see AB but he fucked plans up again by being a twat for the millionth time and we got into another huge argument. For two people not even an official couple we argue way too much! So I told him we need to cool off and go back to being just friends, or at least for a little while. I like to think I'm not a push over, that's why I argue and that's why I take breaks, no guy walks all over me, if he's going to treat me like dirt he can fuck off :)
My mood dropped with the argument, but then I got a free house and turned dance music up full blast, sitting here with my music still making my desk shake I'm in a bloody great mood :D And so looking forward to another SB gathering/party tomorrow night with a lot of peach schnapps ;) Going to be another good Friday night!

"I'm gonna' leave the day behind, don't you worry 'cause I'm gonna' have a real good time"

Posted at 16.30

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Food & Exercise Diary: Entry Nine

- Quorn meat free quarter pounder burger, baby new potatoes, peas & ketchup: 285 calories
- Decaffeinated tea with 1% fat milk & 2 sugars: 28 calories
- Sugar free strawberry jam on Ryvita cracker bread: 45 calories


Calories obtained in the day (aprox.): 358

- Yoga for 40 minutes
- 120 sit ups

Posted at 21.54

Sunday, 24 July 2011

Fuck You

Today's just been one massive fail. Why are guys so fucking useless and immature. Fuck today.


"Well ain't that some shit"

Posted at 19.20

Friday, 22 July 2011

Louder

I've got a job interview!!! I'm so happy! :D I could barely keep in my excitement over the phone to them! :D I so hope I don't blow it! Money money money! :D And it's SB's birthday party tonight! Now there's two things for me to celebrate at the party! Could this day get any better?!


"You can't tame this energy inside"

Posted at 15.04

Thursday, 21 July 2011

Food & Exercise Diary: Entry Eight

- Cantonese chicken with mushrooms, sweet corn & rice: 440 calories
- Caffeinated tea with 1% milk & 2 sugars: 20 calories

Calories obtained in the day (aprox.): 460


- Yoga for 30 minutes
- 120 sit ups

Posted at 22.39

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Food & Exercise Diary: Entry Seven

- Caffeinated tea with 2% fat milk & 2 sugars: 20 calories
- Tesco 'Light Choices' Vegetable curry ready meal: 350 calories
- One apple: 50 calories


Calories obtained in the day (aprox.): 420

- Yoga for 30 minutes
- 120 sit ups

Posted at 22.10

I Need A Dollar

It's official. I have no money. Please dear god say I get at least one interview out of the four jobs I applied for yesterday...and not blow it. All my careless spending on fashion has caught up with me and the loss of EMA due to the fecking summer holidays is killing me...and it's been five days. Not to mention spending a fair amount on SB (one out of two of the best friends) for her birthday this week, it's okay though I'll just get wasted at her party on Friday and hope to forget that I'm a soon-to-be hobo.
I like to think of myself as eccentric rather than over dramatic ;)


 ^ My beautiful enemy and reason for being poor!


"What in the world am I gonna' do tomorrow?"

Posted at 17.51

Monday, 18 July 2011

Food & Exercise Diary: Entry Six

- Caffeinated tea with 2% fat semi-skimmed milk & 2 sugars: 20 calories
- 1/2 homemade spaghetti bolognaise: 348 calories
- Flavoured sparkling water: 5 calories


Calories obtained in the day (aprox.): 373

- Yoga for 30 minutes
- 100 sit ups

Posted at 23.01

Bubbles

For once, things feel like they're going okay :) I've gained control over my eating again, I'm no longer binging and making stupid decisions, I'm back on track with ana. I also seem to be having a romance. Which is insane, the last 'romance' I had was with my ex which finished in January, it feels like a lifetime since someone's been sincerely interested in me. AB and I have been friends for years, and in the past year have sort of liked each other now and again, and have had drunken moments together, but he came over yesterday and stayed until late and we had an adorable time cuddling and kissing (feel free to vomit), and I got called beautiful. Maybe it was a really vivid dream? Sort of actually happy, this cant be right? Ana's on track and I'm happy 'seeing' a great guy that thinks I'm beautiful. Yep definitely dreaming. I'll just have to count down the days until it turns into a nightmare eh?

"Well how's your view of thing today?"

Posted at 16.57

Sunday, 17 July 2011

Food & Exercise Diary: Entry Five

- Raisin & Nut Weetabix Minis with 2% fat semi-skimmed milk: 200 calories
- Caffeinated tea with 2% fat semi-skimmed milk & 3 sugars: 28 calories
- 1/2 Tesco 'Light Choices' canned tomato soup with 2 Ryvita cracker bread slices: 128 calories
- Red grapes: 40 calories

Calories obtained in the day (aprox.): 396


- Yoga for 30 minutes
- 100 sit ups


Posted at 23.31

Saturday, 16 July 2011

Cigarettes In The Theatre

Ah smoking. Cigarettes have always been a good way of curbing my appetite. And they're just fucking lush. Now to go out and distract myself from food for the night :) Should be good ;D


"Tell me your favourite things"

Friday, 15 July 2011

Standing In The Way Of Control

What's wrong with me. I don't understand why I'm struggling so much all of a sudden. Months of perfect eating and exercising habbits and now all of a sudden I can't handle it. I'm always hungry and I feel like I forget why I shouldn't eat, until I look in the mirror and hate myself. I'm going to sit in front of the mirror in my underwear for ages and just stare at myself, until I remember why I have to pull myself together. I bought size 6 trousers today, I refuse for them to ever stop fitting, I cant go back. I have to be thin. It's the only way to be.


"You're forgetting who you are, you can't stop crying"

Food & Exercise Diary: Entry Four

- Small bag of red grapes & apple slices: 45 calories
- White grapes: 40 calories
- Thai green curry with rice & 1/2 naan bread: 404 calories
- Flavoured sparkling water: 5 calories
- Decaffeinated tea with 1% fat semi-skimmed milk & 3 sugars


Calories obtained in the day (aprox.): 522


- Yoga for 30 minutes
- 100 sit ups

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Food & Exercise: Entry Three

- Caffeinated tea with 1% fat semi-skimmed milk and 3 sugars: 28 calories
- 1 slice of toast (no topping): 96 calories
- Raisin 'Tracker' bar: 114 calories
- Chicken pasta bake 'Eat Smart' ready meal: 380 calories
- Caffeinated tea with 1% fat semi-skimmed milk and 3 sugars: 28 calories


Calories obtained in the day (aprox.): 646

Too hungover to exercise...God damn it.

Memories

Hungover. Ouch.


"I just want to let it go for the night, that would be the best therapy for me"

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Up In The Clouds

I couldn't stand it. The hunger built up. Apparently you're supposed to have one binge day per week, but I don't want one. It's killed me. I couldn't stop being hungry and couldn't stop thinking about food, I snapped and grabbed so many biscuits, I ate a lot and now I'm in tears. The guilt I feel is overpowering and I feel helpless over the amount of calories I've taken in now as it's the middle of the night and I'd be loud on the floor boards exercising :'( I've never snapped so easily before. I'm terrified I'll go back to eating a lot. I don't know what to do. I'm going to have to barely eat a thing tomorrow and constantly be on the move at the beach. I have to get rid of what I ate...I hate myself right now.


"And I'm sorry I let you down"

Food & Exercise Diary: Entry Two

- Pasta with peeled prawns & mascarpone sauce: 543 calories
- Flavoured sparkling water: 5 calories
- Caffeinated tea with 1% fat semi-skimmed milk & 3 sugars: 28 calories


Calories obtained in the day (aprox.):  576 calories


- Jogging in the park
- Yoga for 30 minutes
- 100 sit ups

Dream Catch Me

So sick of not being able to sleep. My sleeping pattern's worse than ever, I didn't get to sleep until about 6.30am! I read that the less sleep you get the more calories you burn though, so I guess that's a plus side. Another is that I've planned to go jogging first thing in the morning for ages, and at 5am I decided to finally do it, more burning of calories :)
Haven't eaten today yet, and it's roughly 5pm (despite what the time may say on the post because it's being weird) But I feel okay, I just keep drinking and it switches my mind from food and distracts me, I also pinch myself extra hard when I think of food. Not looking forward to dinner, it's the meal I have to eat so that my mum doesn't get suspicious, tonight is carb and calorie city, so I'll make sure that's the only thing I eat, I might dump some of it in the bin too, and I'll make sure to work my but off exercising later. 


Sometimes I get so hungry that I feel like I'm going to cry, and sometimes I do. But I cant eat, I don't want to, it'll end badly. I'm going to the beach tomorrow. I'm looking forward to the day, but not the bikini, it's going to be hard not cry if I catch sight of myself. How can someone be so fat with such small boobs?...


Beautiful <3


"There's a place I go when I'm alone, do anything I want, be anyone I want to be"

Monday, 11 July 2011

Food & Exercise Diary: Entry One

- Small pasta salad pot: 300 calories
- Caffeinated tea with 1% fat semi-skimmed milk & 3 sugars: 28 calories
- 5 biscuits: 420 calories
- Flavoured sparkling water: 5 calories

Calories obtained in the day (aprox.): 749

Not proud of the biscuits :(

- Yoga for 30 minutes
- 100 sit ups
...Sounds retarded but I have no idea how many calories that burns off...

You Had Me At Hello

It's unlikely that I'll have any followers, I'm very new to this so I don't even know how it works. But either way, Hi, I'm Erin. I'm 17 and I'm British.
You're likely to stop reading after this, but one of the focuses of my blog will be on my eating disorder, being that I barely eat. I don't see it as a problem, and embrace it as something that will one day stop me from feeling fat. Also, making myself sound worse, I suffer with depression. But trust me, this wont be a non stop moan of a blog, I'm on antidepressants and right now I'm feeling pretty positive :) I just have little to do while on study leave and thought hey, why not make a blog?

The basic facts about me:
- Colour, my favourite is purple, yet for some reason, you'd often find me in blue.
- Music, the variety in my taste of music is ridiculous, but right now it's mainly Indie. 
- Ash blonde, but no, this does not make me an air head.
- Artistic, sketching, photography, editing, dance, graphic design, love it.
- Odd, it might not always translate through my blog, but I'm certainly not ordinary, I'm outgoing, random, fun, talkative and most of the time, lively, it just depends what situation I'm in. I have a weird sense of humour and I think I see the world differently to others, I just hide this a lot.
- Bisexual, offputting to some, but it's who I am. This doesn't mean I'm attracted to every single person I interact with, I know people that think all homosexuals/bisexuals want to fuck them, which doesn't make any sense really.
- Single, flings here and there, a recent holiday romance, one brief romantic interest in my hometown, but other than that, single. I wouldn't say I'm currently seeking anyone, but if Prince or Princess charming happens to walk into my life...I wont be turning them down.
- Friendly, but unfortunate. I'm a loyal friend, I put in a lot of effort, but it's often unreturned. My friends aren't very reliable and don't make much effort to be close to me, resulting in lots of free time.
- Kind, not to be big headed, but I like to think I'm an understanding, friendly girl, yet not a push over, I'll always stand up for myself.
- Fat.

Enjoy my blog, I hope to have followers soon. :)


"Would it be okay if I took your breath away?"